My half birthday. Well this week Grant turned "9"! He is such a smart and energetic kiddo. We had a little last minute party swimming and doing a polar bear challenge yesterday and man I love that kiddo. The party was awesome, small and sweet. The boys had a blast!
A beautiful metaphor for life.... as I study my my classroom psychology class, I can across an interesting article that I felt has eternal ramifications....
https://positivepsychology.com/teaching-resilience/
It examines the art of Kintsugi, which is using gold laquer to join previously broken pots.
"the golden cracks represent the worth of the bowl because of its imperfections rather than in spite of them. The bowl is like a human, cracked by the contingency of life.
The gold endows the pot with unassailable beauty, uniqueness, and strength. Kintsugi and wabi-sabi can teach Western culture about the process of becoming oneself.
There is a lesson for embracing failures and experiences that crack our spirit. How do we turn those life cracks into gold?"
I was asked on Sunday about the trial of losing our little house in 2010. We felt good about upsizing and had several offers on our house, only to lose the sale of the house the day after be had closed on our larger one. We couldn't resell our home, because of a drop in the market (there was an incentive for 1st-time home buyers that had just expired, drying up our market). This was a time of trial for me. I lost 30 pounds in a months and couldn't feed my new baby (Ben). Gary started working as an intern, which means he was never home, I couldn't stop teaching piano lessons, We were stuck in this situation for 3-years.
Elder Holland's words for his October 2013 general conference talk directly describe my situation at this time, "At one point in our married life when financial fears collided with staggering fatigue, I took a psychic blow that was as unanticipated as it was real. "
I struggled for a long time with God's hand in this.....why when I was doing my best, why I was so financially careful about everything in my life, when I didn't need a new house, I was only moving forward with faith, that this would happen to me.
I have gone back and forth with the reasons, but this I will tell you. I felt all alone with no support, this trial was curtailed to me. Gary couldn't support me, he was working 100+ hours a week, my job teaching piano lessons, and 3 little children where all consuming and fatiguing. My family lived 1000 miles away.
I came to know my Savior during that time. It was dark, and I felt that He was in that darkness with me. I would like to say that it got better, but it didn't for a while, the overwhelming weight was constant and present for 3 years until we sold the house and the financial burden was gone.
I believe the my broken vessel cracked a little.
When asked Sunday night about that experience, I look back and think that if I hadn't gone through that.....the only really hard thing in my life to that point, when the next major trial came along....and it did... I wouldn't have been quite prepared in the same way to handle it spiritually. For me it was not the study and learning, but the school of experience that made the atonement real.
Perhaps these hard, unfair things, that leave us broken, which allow the Savior to come in and mend the cracks with Gold lacquer. The questions how do we turn those cracks into Gold? Elder Holland begs us to remember, "we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter." He turns the cracks to gold. I believe it is through trusting (our part) the Savior (his part) we can be made whole through, broken and cracked as we may be. And like the Kintsugi pots, " the gold endows the pot with unassailable beauty, uniqueness, and strength." The mending gold our Savior applies to our crack gives us the strength to help ourselves in the future AND strength to help others around us that are wading through their own struggles.
We left Grandma's Monday to head to hike the Y. So much has changed since I attended BYU. Of course we had to stop by the creamery to get ice cream as well.
Then we headed to our friends the Stoker's cabin in Heber, Utah. It was fun, full of deer, and everyone had a bed which was great! We skiied Tuesday and Thursday and went tubing at Soldier's Hollow Wednesday. Gary and I traded off with Charli, so I skiied only on Thursday which day it snowed and we had an amazing day of fresh powder. Tuesday Charli and I hit the Park City outlets, which was fun too. The kids all had friends to play with, and it was so fun to catch up with our friends, who we have been mostly quarantined from for the past month despite the fact that they live down the street. Can't wait for quarantine to end !!!!!
We headed back through a snow storm and decided to sleep in Vegas because the weather and break the trip up into two day. We had a great hike at Kingman Access road to the river (well the hot spring right up the waterfall from the river), which took us longer than anticipated, but was really fun none the less.
It was an amazing trip and I'm glad we had the break!
This week has been busy, just normal.... school business.
Lily didn't get home until 8:30 from school (and soccer) on Thursday. Just kinds makes me tired. I have been fighting bad headaches this week. Yuck.
I took Corinne and Les to get vaccines Tuesday and Wednesday with hope to get a vaccine as a tag-a-long. They have been doing that in Arizona, but no such luck this week.
Rachel and I planned all week to make a unicorn cake for Charli's birthday Saturday. I can't believe she is 2. Just so full of life and energy. She makes us all enjoy the little things. Things I want to remember from this age:
1)How she says rectangle
2) Singing Twinkle Twinkle in her opera during all the hymns at church which is amplified because she is the only one without a mask (and today clean-up, clean-up when the cheerios spilt)
3) How she loves to dress the same as Rachel. Even has to have a barette is Rachel has one. Rachel loves it too.
4) How she can tell her 140+pound brother to go to time out and he does.
5) How she gets Lily to steal her away and paint her toenails.
6) How she rides her scooter around the neighborhood to keep up with her brothers
7) How she loves her snuggle blanket and naptime.
8) How she loves to eat packs of gum, and once pulled a step stool all the way to Ben's room to raid his dresser for said gum.
9) How she plays aggressive soccer.
10) How she refers to herself as Baby, not Charli. And she love the song "How Much is that Baby(not doggie) in the Window".....
We had a great church today on ministering. Filled my bucket. Just grateful for the wonderful people in my ward. It has been been hard not being able to connect to them during the pandemic. I have been trying creative ways to connect.
This week was routine, nothing too special. Lily had her first soccer game. As a freshman on JV she didn't get to play much, but it is only the first game. The good news is, I got to watch, with a mask of course. Only home games, and only two spectators per player..... but I'll take it.
Arizona this time of year is beautiful, so the kids spent the afternoons at the park, and I spent most mornings this week biking with Gary. We did a mountain bike ride on Wednesday at about 8 that was just breathtaking. No one on the trail and perfect weather.
We also got a new president this week. The inauguration just brought so much hope. Personally this was a pretty isolating year for me. I need connectivity and I feel pretty unconnected to most of family and all of my friends. It has been pretty difficult. After the capitol riots and the political unrest just among my friend groups and Covid, a new year, a new president, perhaps a renewed sense of hope. Amanda Gorman recited a poem that was just beautiful, just hopeful.
Saturday we escaped to Flagstaff to tube with kids. It was a big open park with tube runs of varying levels. They had food trucks and picnic tables. We were able to spread out, build snow forts and snowmen, tube till we were exhausted, and eat lunch. Charli loved tubing, hated gloves (for the 1st half of the day), and hated having cold hands. It was nice we could do it all together. Hauling snow clothes for 8 is daunting, but the day was magical.
What a week! We started on Sunday with Ben getting a migraine and throwing up twice. That prompted a Covid test and two days of isolation. Ugh. I had to cancel my tennis match and reschedule some dentist appointments. But the feeling like I am in jail is the topper. It is hard to Gary call the shots on the Covid, but not have his life be modified in anyway life mine is.
I started painting, or rather copying painting that spoke to me. This one made it on canvas on Sunday. It is acrylic. I was thinking on the restoration the whole time. What and event. What a prayer. I have been pondering the answer to the question: How has the restoration changed my life?
Tuesday we finished the hardware for the garage. Garage project complete! And it feels soooooo good. Cleaned out, painted, repainted with semi-gloss, had the floor epoxy done, sink backsplash, painted bike holder and mudroom, built garage cabinets, and got many organizer....
Before:
Thursday we found that all the kids will go back to school next week except the high school and Lily. But Lily does start soccer games next week, so I don't mind the online at all for her. It may even be better.
Rachel's birthday was a success. A fresh haircut, donuts at the park with friends, and cake at night with grandparents, and she looked forward all week to it. She had her menu planned out all week, crepes with nutella, quesadillas for lunch, and spagehetti for dinner. Man I can't believe she is six! My babies are growing up!!!!!
I also restarted school this week. I don't know if this is the end all goal, but I started my first graduate school class. I have realized most the career choices I know I would like would not be flexible with my children's schedule. I would love being a PA or nurse or work anywhere in the medical field....but I want the flexibility of working from home and around my kids schedule. So I am stepping out the box a little and going for a Masters in Education. I think my goal is to become a teacher for BYU pathways. We'll see.....one class at a time. I felt on the edge of doing and not doing this, but I feel real good about it. Again, we will see.
It was full week, highs, lows, and change!
I have committed to scripture study this week. And it has been profound to read about Joseph's prayer to God when he is 17 to find out what he should be doing with his life. I really gravitated to this talk, a good reminder of why I am doing what I am doing with my own life.
